Cliche, but true.

Thanksgiving. To be frank, it's not my favorite holiday. Every Thanksgiving I channel my inner hipster that says that I'm too cool to do the cliche, "I am so thankful for..." posts on facebook, and say thank you to God in my prayers even though I normally wouldn't. It seems... fake.  So when looking at this screen, I was determined to not be a part of the "let's give thanks because it's Thanksgiving clan". But, sadly, the truth is, that I don't say "thank you" enough. I unknowingly take a lot of things for granted. As Thanksgiving approached this year, I fell into this pool of self pity where I seemed to dwell more on who wouldn't be at Thanksgiving lunch, and the fact that it may be my last Thanksgiving in the States for a long time, that I almost dreaded Thanksgiving day. When the day came, though, I found myself surrounded by people who loved me more than I can imagine, and looking across the table at my grandma with tears running down her face out of pure and honest gratitude. I am more than thankful for them. I am blessed beyond words. I am amazed at God's grace, because Lord knows that I don't deserve the friends, family, and amazing opportunities that are constantly placed in front of me. I really am thankful.
I am thankful for my family, and their constant support. I am thankful for my calling to serve in Guatemala. I am thankful for the leaders that have continuously guided me in my relationship with Christ. I am thankful for my friends, that consistently light up my life. I am so very thankful for the city I live in. I am thankful for the country in which I was placed. I am thankful for Quik-Trip and apple cider. I am thankful for late nights at IHOP and friends who finish my sentences. I am thankful. I am blessed.

He's Stronger

I could never do it on my own. Why did I think that I could now? Maybe I figured that because I was older, wiser, maybe, grown up, that I could handle the struggles of my best friends. Guide them to the right path, pull them out of the rut, all on my own. But the truth of the matter, is that my strength lapsed, and I fell down right with them. I had forgotten the strength of my Father. I had forgotten the comfort that comes through prayer. I had forgotten who He was. I couldn't do it without Him. It hurt too much. I wasn't strong enough.
Every morning, I wake up and tell myself that today I am going to take on the world; I am going to learn, grow, live and do. But the truth of the matter is that I can't do any of that without my Savior. I'm just a kid. As a child, God put this passion in my heart to help people and to serve, but my human nature has twisted this passion into a desperate need to be needed. Recently, this need has come back to bite me.
One of my best friends has been struggling in many aspects, and me being who I am, I tried to take it on all by myself. I would mention God, talk about His love, and what He did in my life, but never actually ask Him for help. I was doing it all on my own. I don't know why it was surprising to me that my methods of love weren't working. My best friend was drowning, and I was heartbroken. Why wasn't God helping? Where was He? The pain of taking it all on was burying me in resentment, anger and despair. I couldn't handle the pressure of doing it on my own. It hurt. I was damaging myself and, consequently, not helping my friend heal. I was furthering his pain and adding to his stress. My friend, Jason, needed me. But what he and I both needed was the comfort and peace that only our God can bring. A comfort and peace that are much bigger than us and our issues. He wont give us anything we can't handle. After weeks, maybe months of taking it all on on my own, I came to the startling realization that I was failing. My help was nothing without God. I couldn't do it anymore. I was a fool. My strength had lapsed, and all that was left was my desperate need for a Savior. My need for productivity led to loads of damages. Jason and I both needed restoration. We needed our glasses refilled. We needed Jesus. It was when the truth finally came out, and both Jason and I started relying on the Truth that things began to change. For the first time in a long time, there was hope, joy, peace. We could finally drag ourselves out of the facade that we had put ourselves in and heal, together, through Christ.
The very night that I laid all my struggles, all Jason's struggles, all my fear, all my anger, at the foot of the cross was the night that healing began. I was lost in the need to help. God was waiting, he knew. That night, I prayed that my stupidity would be used for the glory of God, and incredibly, despite my absolute ridiculousness, God was still working. I am constantly amazed at how God uses us, broken, stupid, and completely human as we are. I don't deserve His mercy. I don't deserve His grace, hope, or peace. I've messed it up a million times, yet he uses me. I am completely undeserving. I am humbled. I am at peace. I am growing. And I will never understand why He chose me. But he did.

He's Here

Movies, they're my thing. I love them. I could spend days sitting in a dark theatre, eating popcorn, and running away to a world of talking animals, concrete jungles, or enchanted forests. I love movies, I love the escape, I love being a part another's life, falling in love with the characters, and watching people fall in and out of love. It's beautiful really.
In the past few years, Christian movies such as Fireproof, To Save a Life, and Soul Surfer have hit the big screens. These movies are all clear portrayals of Christ in a film setting, but it's the movies that aren't seemingly "Christian" where I think God can show up in incredible ways. There are tons of films that are centered around the theme of restoration and coming into the light at the end of a really dark tunnel. It's amazing how much credit can be given to one human being for recovering from drugs, getting off the streets, or what have you, when really God is right at the center of the story. God is present, and is moving in the lives of the people on screen and off.
Our world right now, this generation, has a very large focus on restoration, helping the poor, serving, saving the planet, etc. Do you not think that God is glorified through it? Atheists can glorify God, it's true, they just might not know it. It's amazing to me how filmmakers can portray God without portraying, well, God.
It's heartbreaking to watch a movie where the main character fumbles around in a dark world, waiting for something greater to come. It's those movies that bring an ultimate feeling of desperate brokenness. At the end of the film, all the viewer can do is sigh, wipe the tears from their face, and leave the theater feeling heavy laden. Where was God in this movie? The answer, just like always, is that He was most likely walking right beside this melancholy character begging them to simply turn around.
Eat, Pray, Love was one of these movies for me. The poor girl goes on a quest around the world and ends with nothing more than an empty soul, a few extra pounds, and a few great pictures. It's depressing. Why in the world did she feel the need to wander around the earth eating carbs and having sex? Because, she was searching for something, something greater than herself. It's that simple.
God shows up all the time. It's challenging to remove myself from my own self centeredness to actually see how God is moving all around me. We, as humans, have a difficult time identifying the face of God when we are busy, constantly moving, constantly searching. It is the moments where I put my thoughts on pause and take a quick moment to look around that I see God everywhere, moving, breathing, and begging for my attention. He's here. He showed up, just like he did yesterday, and the day before that. All I have to do is slow down and look for it. I need to recognize His beauty that He has placed all around me. It's amazing really, how unobservant we are. How much we take for granted.
God's in the movies, He's in the world, He's here.

Lovelier when Broken

At John Brown last week we talked about existentialism. This theology is basically that we as humans are just matter with no purpose and there is absolutely no God. On the way home from John Brown we began discussing how it would feel to live in a world with no purpose, and how blessed we are that life isn't this way. This got my mind thinking about how broken someone must feel if they think that there is no purpose for living their lives. I believe that God gives us all a purpose, and when we deny him, we feel purposeless because we are also denying our God-given purpose by denying Him. It's amazing the pain that comes when running from the Lord. This week the topic of brokenness has shown up all around me.
Being hurt is one of the things the world tells us we can't own. The world tells us that we have to bury our pain and put on a happy face. But there is something beautiful and a little bit miraculous about admitting defeat, and the sorrow that has taken over one's soul. Being broken isn't a rarity. Everybody has some pain that they try to hide. It is from the Lord that there is a hope for restoration and joy. Being bitter and full of sorrow and anxiety is easy. The hard thing to do, is to own your crap and push through it.
This week I have been constantly struggling with the pain of one of my best friends. We have cried, laughed, and yelled at each other out of pure frustration and healing. It's hard. I quickly found that there was nothing I could do out of my own power. Prayer was the only thing getting us through this. The honesty of prayer was  large part of our healing. It was beautiful to see the healing that came through being honest  about our struggles and the pain of getting through it all. Living in joy and restoration isn't easy, but it is beautiful. Our pain, and our brokenness is what makes all of us unique and what brings us together through Christ.
If nobody was wounded, there would be no diversity, no uniqueness, no beauty. It is pushing past this pain and taking hold of our identity in Christ that makes the body of Christ lovelier each day.