Thursday, August 9, 2012

Words and Pride

Every morning I wake up and am confronted with words I don't know. Being a writer and a word lover at heart, this drives me insane.  In order to effectively communicate I have taken up dynamic facial expressions and hand motions that I would never do ordinarily for any reason whatsoever. I can tell you with no doubt in my mind that there are times I look like an absolute fool.
Needless to say, my pride has gone straight out the window.
When I lived in the States I would do anything to spare myself from being wrong. I would only answer questions that I knew I knew the answer to. I would sit at the back of my class and never make eye contact with my teachers. I was quiet, pensive, some might say thoughtful. Here, I don't have that option if I want to learn.
Every day I have the chance to learn something new or to stick with what I know, and every day I have to decide which one I want to choose. Learning involves messing up. It's embarrassing, and at times, I would rather sit in my room and watch movies in English than go out and risk messing up. Most days, though, I pray for the courage to ask questions, to make a fool of myself, and to learn.
Everyone around me has become my teacher.
It's humbling to say the least.
The Lord has me in a place of complete dependence on Him and absolute humbling with each and every day. It is this call, this love, this passion that makes it all worth it. I want nothing more than to speak freely with those I am starting to love more than I ever could imagine. God has given me a heart for these people, and thus a heart for their language.
My pride is gone. I have no choice but to go for it, to mess up, and to learn so that one day I can speak, interact, and love as those surrounding me.