I feel like I am shamelessly free for the first time in my life. I am free to love people. Free to serve. Free to do the things that God has sown in my heart since childhood. Every day, my heart prayer is to be used. To be a living example and to be constantly humbled. Years ago, my dream was Guatemala. In my mind Guatemala was the big red X that marked the spot where dreams come true. My years of schooling and education was all about getting through. I found myself going through the motions and following the dash lines on the map, just praying I could hold on until I could finally reached the final stop, the idealized goal.
Since I can remember, I spent my Saturdays watching some kind of adventure movie, curled up on the couch with my dad. During the commercial breaks we joked about the unrealistic circumstances, talked about how the story had to end, and laughed and teased about the protagonist's journey to whatever God forsaken country or cave full of treasures. The entire movie is leading up to the point that the characters, despite their many trials, meet this one moment, this one place. Rarely do we see what comes after the fact. What do the characters do once they have fulfilled their lifelong struggle to find the big red X on the map of life?
Last year, I got on a plane, my daddy and oldest brother in tow, and reached my idealized destination. Months later, the question hit me... what do I do next? I have reached my goal. Now what? I can't just sit here and stare at the treasure that took me so long to find. I have to do something.
I live in what I consider the most beautiful country full of the most beautiful people on this earth. (Sure, I might be a little biased). I am surrounded by people who work day after day to just meet their simple means, yet still have a smile on their face as they sit around my too small table, sipping coffee and watching their children raid my pantry, looking for the cookies and candies I have hidden in the shelves. For most women, the laundry, dishes, cooking, and household chores take up their entire day. Much less earning income and providing for their hilariously bright and active children. Kids often go to bed hungry. Dads do what they can to provide if they are around at all.
Sometimes I get overwhelmed. I feel like everyone I meet needs a job, help with their homework, and some extra food to fill their bellies. Sometimes I just want to say no more, I can't help, I am just a girl. It is when those thoughts hit the recesses of my mind that I am immediately reminded of my strong, powerful and compassionate Savior, who has put me here, in this country, town, and apartment to further His Kingdom. And thankfully, that requires very little of me and a whole lot of Him.
I can no longer see Guatemala as just a destination. Instead, I can only view this beautiful place as a little piece to God's big picture. I wasn't put here to sit and stare at my treasure. The dream isn't just a destination, it is just a piece in the beautiful process to fulfill the words, "On earth as it is in heaven." For that is the ultimate prize, the infinite destination.
