Growing Pains

There is nothing I love more than being challenged, and being pushed to the edge (and sometimes completely out) of my comfort zone. In eighth grade, my youth pastor asked me at a weekend retreat if I was anything like my dad. I, of course, responded, "Yeah, I'm a lot like my dad." So he gently probed, "So if I dared you to do something, you will probably do it?" I saw the challenge in his eyes, and quickly responded, "I think that's what that means." His reply wasn't what I expected, he looked me in the eyes and pulled a worm from behind his back and said, "...then I dare you to kiss this worm". Challenge Accepted. I kissed that worm without the least bit of hesitation and looked up at him with sheer dignity in my eyes. He looked at me giggling his favorite high pitched holy-goodness-I-can't-believe-you-just-did-that laugh and said, "Yep, I've gotta keep that trick in mind." He continued to challenge me through dares for years to come.
In order to grow, I need to be constantly challenged, encouraged, questioned, and pushed. I need someone to ask me the hard questions, push me to my edges, and to not be afraid to get a little dirty. My mentors in the States understood this about me, but here, I have yet to find anyone to challenge my desire for challenge. That's where God comes in. He knows me and knows that I need a little push (and sometimes a strong shove) towards growth. So in the last few months, I have found myself in inner battles, searching for challenge, and finding it in God's word. Sometimes, though, it's not enough, and God lets me struggle and strive to get closer to him.
In the last week or so, I have had the incredible opportunity to lean on God and let him love me in the way that only He can. Though this sounds awesome, it wasn't too fun in the moment. It was one of those weeks where nothing seemed to be going right. The $35 fix on my car turned into a $600 project, and on top of that, I was hit in the face with loneliness greater than I have ever felt before. So what did I do? I snuggled up with my baby blanket and prayed that something good would come of this. I prayed that I would learn what it meant to let go of my cares and worries and let God guide me, no matter the cost. I prayed that He would bring people into my life, that I wouldn't grow bitter, and that I would thrive as a woman of God completely and totally devoted to Him. I eventually fell asleep, and awoke with a new found sense of security in the Lord.
When I fell in love with Guatemala and it's people nearly a decade ago, I had no idea the blessings and love that God would reward me with when I followed his call to move. There are days that I encounter situations that make my heart ache and my entire body go numb but in the same moment, I can feel the overwhelming and insurmountable comfort that comes from the love of Christ. I have never completely understood the Beatitudes until now.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Being poor in spirit requires putting aside your pride. Mourning breaks your heart. Being meek usually means being overlooked. Being plagued with hunger and thirst is miserable. In order to show mercy, you have to been wronged. Making peace means you are surrounded by violence. Being persecuted has the ability to break your spirit. In order to receive the blessings of the Lord, I have to be willing to be broken and challenged. Growing hurts, but if it brings me closer to my Heavenly Father, then I'll take it as a dare with no hesitation and dignity in my eyes.

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