Toxic Charity Book Review.

I’m very interested in what it might look like to implement a lot of the practices that I learned from reading When Helping Hurts from the first class, so reading Toxic Charity was a great suggestion concerning community development and how churches and organizations, religions and secular, can give help to those who need it without demeaning them or making them feel lesser than the giver. The author is blunt yet sensitive in presenting the critique on our ways of giving. In the very first chapter, the author immediately presents the reader with a list of rules of how to give compassionate service in a healthy way that is beneficial to both the giver and the receiver. Lupton’s rules are simple and set a great foundation for giving of any kind. He challenges the reader to take The Oath for Compassionate Service, as he calls it, which is a follows:

1. Never do for the poor what they have (or could have) the capacity to do for themselves.
2. Limit one-way giving to emergency situations
3. Strive to empower the poor through employment, lending, and investing, using grants sparingly to reinforce achievements.
4. Subordinate self-interests to the needs of those being served
5. Listen closely to those you seek to help, especially to what is not being said-unspoken feelings may contain essential clues to effective service.
6. Above all, do no harm.

This oath will ensure a kind of service that will be successful in creating an environment where the giver and the receiver both feel empowered through service and being served.
Paternalism is our greatest enemy when it comes to helping the poor, or as Lupton calls them, the “have lesses”. Avoiding paternalism and encouraging people to do what they can to help themselves immediately shuts down most of the service that is seen today. Our culture is very concerned with helping people and giving to the less fortunate, which is great, but it seems that though the intentions are pure, the help does more harm than good. For example, when a single mother loses her job and is evicted from her home, giving her and her children an apartment free of charge and providing her with food and clothing for the children “until she can find a job” may not be the best thing for her. In fact, it creates a dependency that is unhealthy. Soon, you may find out that this mother isn’t searching for a job as intently as you would have expected and hoped. Who can blame her? She is being given food and clothing, and a place to stay for free. Why work when you’ve already got everything you need?
Our society says that all aid is good aid, when the fact of the matter is that often times our aid falls into hands that misuse or abuse our aid, making seem that not giving aid is more helpful than actually giving aid in some regards.  For example, trillions of dollars have flooded into Africa in the last decade and still very little progress has been made due to corrupt governments and the fact that our aid actually puts people out of much needed jobs. The greatest problems with dead aid is that many have no clue what is happening with their money once it is given and relief aid is often given too long, which keeps a community down instead of encouraging it to pick itself up.  Providing emergency type aid is not usually necessary except in cases such a natural disasters. It is temporary and should quickly move to rehabilitation which over time should move to development. Rehabilitation and development are harder and take a lot of time, so often, they are pushed to the side and supplemented by quick fixes that ultimately don’t help much over and extended period of time. The sad thing is, people simply don’t know the difference. The US is extremely uneducated when it comes to aid giving. We need to find a way to figure out what to do with our money that is healthy and beneficial. I hope that after time the news will spread and rehabilitation and development will become the new goal when it comes to raising money.
I think often times the poor are forgotten when it comes to trying to help them. We have this preconceived idea that the poor need us because they can’t help themselves, which is ridiculous. People in poverty have loads of gifts and abilities that as an outsider looking in, we would never know without building relationships with these people. The poor are not completely helpless and inept, they are important, capable, gifted human beings that for some reason or another have found themselves in a place where they need some help. Those with less know their situation, their community, and their lifestyle a million times better than we do. Don’t you think we should ask them about their own ideas for changing their own situations, communities, lifestyles? Often in our attempts to do something for someone, we find ourselves doing to them instead of doing with them. It’s a top down approach. We are at the top throwing down our ideas and gifts on top of people whose own ideas and gifts are being ignored. Sounds a little brutal to me. On the other hand, when we take the approach of giving in a way that is from the same level, it is easily reciprocated, and then you have the chance to learn and give back and forth to each other. There is no fear, there is no power.  That is the beauty of giving, and serving in a way that inspires ideas, and does not create a spirit of dependence or fear, but rather a spirit of fulfillment and beautiful community. Sounds a little like a relationship to me.
I have basically taken it upon myself to tell everyone I know about these books in order to change their view on poverty alleviation and what it really means to give. These books have changed the way I view ministry, life, and service. It has helped to transform my thought processes, and the way I respond to opportunities to help out. I pray that I will use the information I have learned for the glory of God and that these wont just become a list of rules to follow, but rather a mindset and way of life. I have already had conversations with my boss in Guatemala about how we can change little things in our ministry to make sure that we are empowering the people we give to regularly. It’s been a fantastic starting point when it comes to brainstorming ideas. It feels like what I have learned from Toxic Charity is more applicable in my life than what I learned in the first twelve years of my education. It has changed my worldview, and messed up my world in a very good way. I’m inspired, and the Lord knows what happens when I get inspired. You, on the other hand, will have to wait and see.

Converging it up

A couple of weeks ago the church that I intern with held an event called Converge. Basically the idea was for four different non profits that are based here in the States can come together, get to know each other, and get to share what all they have been doing in the last few years. This included Dry Bones from Denver, Water4 who bring water to countries all over the world, Kibo group a group who works in Uganda to encourage health and prosperity in the villages there, GPS Tulsa, which is the group that I am a part of, where we help students find their way in life. All of these groups are crazy different, so it was incredible to see them all coming together for one common cause. As I sat on the panel of people from each group, I almost felt unworthy. All of these people were doing such incredible work for the Lord. It was an exciting yet humbling experience.
As the night continued, I got to know Abraham and Ronald, the men from Uganda, pretty well. They told us all about their tree planting project, through which they have planted 37,000 trees in the last 7 years. These trees are taken care of by the village people, and will one day restore the deforestation that is happening all over Uganda. While talking to Ronald, I asked him what was the most different about the United States from Uganda. At the question his eyebrows shot up and he smiled a little bit and in his beautiful accent said, "well, not much is the same at all. I think the most different is that when my neighbors hear our babies crying, they will come over to our house and ask us how they can help us. Here, I don't think I've seen neighbors talk to each other at all." To this I just kinda smiled and nodded and told him that in the US most everything is about the individual, and it sounded to me like in Uganda everything was about the whole. He smiled again and said, "yes, I think you are right."
It was amazing to hear the stories of Ronald and Abraham and just build a relationship with them. I loved getting to know them and their stories. And that's what it was all about. Building these relationships with people so very different from myself, yet so much the same. Though we live on opposite sides of the world, we both worship the same Lord and work to bring Him glory through our actions. Our lives are so very different, yet our hearts are the same.
Converge was a blast to be a part of. I am so proud to be a part of something so unique and powerful. I think God is smiling.

Vocational Sweetness

We are just now finishing up our Career and Vocation class, and though it was a lot of work and a lot of writing, I learned a lot about ministry,  myself, and who God has made me to be. During the course of this class we met with camp coordinators and ministry folks to F-16 pilots and FBI agents. The diversity was clear, and it was amazing hanging out with a wide range of people and hearing their stories and advice. Since it's late and I'm exhausted, I'm just going to give you the top five things that I learned:
1. "The truth is fine." Rick Poplin, the F-16 pilot, said this phrase over and over during our time together. He encouraged us to not exaggerate any of our situations, good or bad, because in the end, the truth about us, who we are, who God is, and our lives, is enough. We don't need to lie about little insignificant things to boost our ego. We don't need to make ourselves feel worse, or better, really, about something than it really is, because at the end of the day, our reality is enough to sustain us.
2. You don't have to be a super outgoing, energetic, upbeat person to lead in ministry. Dave Jewitt taught me this one without even trying. I've struggled with this a lot in the past few years because I have known for a fact that God has been calling me to ministry, and I felt like because I didn't like talking to large masses of people, or leading people with a loud voice, that I wasn't going to fit into the mold of what someone in ministry needs to be. Talking with Dave encouraged me to use my strengths, and to not try to be like someone I'm not. I can be my chill, quirky, slightly introverted self, and still be used by God to effect the masses.
3. Kinda like the last one, God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things. Dr. Kyle Jones was apparently at some point just an average guy. He didn't stand out in the crowd, which is hard for me to believe considering that now he is building bridges between warring tribes in Africa through medicine. Kyle basically has my dream job. He is a doctor of family medicine in a small hospital in Africa. He is amazing. It was incredible for me to just sit across the table from him, so when I was told that this guy is slightly introverted, never top of his class, or the big man on campus, it was a little bit unbelievable for me. It just goes to show that God makes us ordinary people extraordinary, and through us does unbelievable things.
4. Our God is always faithful when we are acting within our calling. When we met with Denise McKinney  she told us what it is like to be a woman in ministry. She told us of her struggles as she went from one church to the other turning in applications with no responses. She said that she knew that God had called her to do this ministry, and though it seemed hopeless, she wasn't going to give up. After months of job searching Denise finally walked into the church that would soon hire her to do exactly what she wanted. God knew what He had planned for her, it just took patience. Patience is one of the things I've always had a hard time learning. I want to know that God is taking care of me right this very minute. I don't like the mystery. I don't want to wait, but at the end of the day, God is still there, faithful as ever, always working for my good. 
5. Gifts turn into passion, and passion turns into calling. Tom taught me to do what I love and to let God take control and guide me toward my calling. He taught me to continue to follow after Christ, and do the things that inspire me and to let God guide me, and push me in ways that nobody else can. Listening to Christ, was a huge factor in this, and he reminded us to continue to listen for His voice and follow our hearts within reason.

The Anti-Resolution Resolution

Every year I make all these outrageous New Years resolutions to finally start working out (which has been on my resolution list for the last 3 years), and all kinds of things that in the end cannot be accomplished without wasting the rest of my free time for the matter of doing all the things I thought would make myself a better person. I start the year wasting my valuable time with my friends so I can sweat to a Jillian Michaels' work out video then clean my room in the attempt to "live an organized life" (what does that even mean little 15 year old self?) etc. So, instead, in an attempt to actually live the life I have always wanted and not live by this crap checklist that I've made for myself, I have bid my stupid resolutions adieu and just starting being the woman God has made me to be. It's quite freeing, actually.
I always made fun of those people that talk like a new year brings a new person or that the struggles of the last year suddenly disappear with a date change, but oddly, my year happened to begin with many "fresh starts". As the clock struck twelve, my heart began to grow lighter, and I began to rejoice over the little things and let God handle the big things. As I have written in my previous posts, I often find myself under the impression that I can carry the world on my shoulders all alone, but the honest to God truth is that that is just straight up dumb. This year, my heart will be light, while my burdens will be many. It will be the year of constant adventure, exciting change, and heartbreaking goodbyes.
I'm one of those people that has never been afraid to show my emotions. I cry in public often, and laugh hysterically when appropriate. So the emotions that come with moving away and starting a fresh new life are abundant. I am scared to death, yet I have never been more anxious and excited. This year is going to force me to grow up. I will live in the moment every moment, because I know that if I let myself, I will spend my valuable time looking towards the past or future, which is almost as great a waste as working out or cleaning my room just because I told myself I have to.
So Hear's to the new year. Here's to growing up. Here's to learning new things. Here's to adventure. Here's to being the woman I was made to be.

Mumford and Sons basically defines my life these days. So here's a little taste.

Peace on Earth, and Good will toward men

In an effort to finally get into the "Christmas Spirit", I began listening to Christmas music and reading the story of Christ's birth. The word I have read and sang over and over is "peace". It got me thinking about our world and the lack of peace in the everyday life of the Christmas Season.
During the Christmas season we see the word "peace" everywhere, but one thing I've realized is how our culture has transformed Christmas to no longer be about peace and joy, but rather about moving quickly, buying loads of presents, and flipping each other off in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Super peaceful, huh?
Last night, I was forced into the mob of people shopping at the mall in order to finish shopping for my sister's Christmas present. I seriously wanted to cry I was so surrounded by gluttony and indulgence. People were fighting over the last necklace at Forever21, and babies were crying as their mothers dug through the piles of clearance items, arms too full to hold them. I was astonished. I thought Christmas was about "Good will toward men" not stomping on each others toes to get the last red sweater off the shelf.
What has happened to our world?
Strangely, my internship has been one of the most peaceful things in this time of the year. I really appreciate how calm and peaceful everything is on a daily basis. Yes, there are times when things get stressful, but most of the time, the church office is at peace with their work, with their life, and with their relationships with each other. This past week, instead of church life getting crazy, everything has slowed down. We aren't planning some extravagant Christmas service or any of that jazz, rather, we are just enjoying each other and the season all around us. With simplicity comes peace.

Be a kid.

In less that 4 months, I will be an adult. An official, legal, grown up. Scary, huh?
Since I was little, writing has been my outlet. I have dozens of journals filled with my thoughts, desires, heartbreaks, and overall growth. It's funny, looking back and reading the things I used to think and the ways I used to express myself and realize how completely dramatic and innocent I was. Honestly, I had no clue what I was doing, who I thought I was, or who I was going to be. Back in the day, I lived in the moment. I breathed the fresh air, and ran the streets of my neighborhood barefoot. There were no cares in the world. What happened to that little girl? The incredible truth is, she's still here.
Some of my friends constantly address my innocence. I get it, guys, I'm naive. I still blow bubbles in my chocolate milk, and play outside in the rain. What's wrong with that? I think, Nothing. I have 4 months to live it up. I have four months to run through the sprinklers, and ride in the shopping cart at Walmart. I have four months before the world tells me I have to have it all together. I have four months. Why not be free?
Freedom. It's the one thing every adolescent teenager wants. They tell their parents that all they want is to get their licence, move out of the house, buy their own car, live their own life, get married, have kids... grow up. Sorry to burst all the bubbles of those ready-to-be-free teenagers out there, but the time to be free is now.
As an official "child" I know the pressures of just being a kid. It's hard to live up to our parents expectations, do well in school, get all those fancy scholarships, and make the world believe that you are who you say you are. It's hard, and honestly, a lot of us kids are broken, battered, and bruised. But that shouldn't keep us from living our lives to the absolute fullest, having fun while we can, and living out our calling as young people. We are to set an example of playful, joyful, innocence.
Jesus told the adults to become more child-like, to be innocent, pure, trusting, full of joy and excitement, to be passionate, and to just be who we are, to just be who He made us to be. We're all just kids. I have four months until I'm expected to have it all together. But isn't having it all together overrated anyhow? To all those adults out there: stop worrying, stressing, trying to paint a pretty picture, because the truth is, everyone just wants to see the real you. Guaranteed, the real, honest, out-of-the-box you is probably a lot more fun, and a lot more attractive than the put together person we all seem to create for ourselves. Get out of the box. Be free. Be a kid.

Life on this side of a Calling

My life here in the States is a constant combination of mixed emotions. Waiting patiently; Bursting with excitement. Struggling with contentment; Perfectly happy and joyful. Praying for time to fly by; Cherishing every moment. Keeping busy; Staying calm. Crying out of fear; Crying out of excitement. Pushing people away; Pulling everyone closer. Learning; Teaching. Hurting; Rejoicing. The last few months have been crazy emotional. Most of the time I have it all together, but sometimes I break down for no apparent reason.

The other day I found myself doubled over in my closet crying over a pair of shorts. Shorts. No big deal, right? That’s what I thought until I was hanging them up at the back of my closet as I realized I wont be needing them any more. In Guatemala, women don’t wear shorts, and I wont be coming back to the States during the summers. Thus, my need for shorts as winter has approached is basically gone. The tears came.

You’re probably thinking something along the lines of “really, Andrea? They’re just shorts. Why does it matter?” But the thing is, with shorts, and all clothing really, is that I’ve become a little more than attached. I bought my shorts thinking, “these basically define my style, which basically defines me.” I live for the summers of short and Chaco wearing attire. It’s who I am, but then again, I’m also a missionary. I’m called to Guatemala, and shorts don’t matter. Living life within my calling will be a lot better than wearing my shorts. The tears stopped.

This, sadly, has been a regular thing for the past few months for myself, friends, and family alike, especially my mom. My mom and I will be sitting on the couch joking about the hideous clothes some celebrity is wearing or some stupid commercial, and all of a sudden I look over and she’s bawling, which automatically makes me tear up. We then start laughing because we are both crying. It’s comical actually. Sometimes I feel as if my life would make a very entertaining sitcom.

It’s these things, the little bits of my life that I take for granted that I am going to miss most of all as I travel away from home. I have been blessed with so much. My family and I have grown so much closer in the last year than ever. Maybe it’s just a coming of age thing, but for the first time I appreciate my family not just because of what they do for me, but because of who they are. My relationship with my brothers has grown dramatically over the past year, so much that I consider Garrett one of my best friends. He knows my life in a way nobody else ever could, and yet he loves me all the more for it. It’s beautiful, really. God knew what He was doing when he put me in the family he did. Thinking about leaving them is more than difficult, and I don’t think anyone other than a fellow missionary can understand what it’s like to give up everything I’ve ever known, yet the peace of the Lord is present, constantly. I am scared of the unknown life that is ahead of me, yet ready to take the dive.

In the meantime, I am doing my best to capture every little moment in anticipation for my journey to Guatemala. My heart is bursting with joy just thinking about it. I’ve been waiting a long time for this. I want it more than anything else. Yet I have a few more months to prepare, and soak up all the love I can get. I’m sure I’ll be crying about this in a few minutes, but as for now, I’m super pumped, and extremely excited to see what God has in store for me in both the preparation and the journey.