Peace on Earth, and Good will toward men

In an effort to finally get into the "Christmas Spirit", I began listening to Christmas music and reading the story of Christ's birth. The word I have read and sang over and over is "peace". It got me thinking about our world and the lack of peace in the everyday life of the Christmas Season.
During the Christmas season we see the word "peace" everywhere, but one thing I've realized is how our culture has transformed Christmas to no longer be about peace and joy, but rather about moving quickly, buying loads of presents, and flipping each other off in the Wal-Mart parking lot. Super peaceful, huh?
Last night, I was forced into the mob of people shopping at the mall in order to finish shopping for my sister's Christmas present. I seriously wanted to cry I was so surrounded by gluttony and indulgence. People were fighting over the last necklace at Forever21, and babies were crying as their mothers dug through the piles of clearance items, arms too full to hold them. I was astonished. I thought Christmas was about "Good will toward men" not stomping on each others toes to get the last red sweater off the shelf.
What has happened to our world?
Strangely, my internship has been one of the most peaceful things in this time of the year. I really appreciate how calm and peaceful everything is on a daily basis. Yes, there are times when things get stressful, but most of the time, the church office is at peace with their work, with their life, and with their relationships with each other. This past week, instead of church life getting crazy, everything has slowed down. We aren't planning some extravagant Christmas service or any of that jazz, rather, we are just enjoying each other and the season all around us. With simplicity comes peace.

Be a kid.

In less that 4 months, I will be an adult. An official, legal, grown up. Scary, huh?
Since I was little, writing has been my outlet. I have dozens of journals filled with my thoughts, desires, heartbreaks, and overall growth. It's funny, looking back and reading the things I used to think and the ways I used to express myself and realize how completely dramatic and innocent I was. Honestly, I had no clue what I was doing, who I thought I was, or who I was going to be. Back in the day, I lived in the moment. I breathed the fresh air, and ran the streets of my neighborhood barefoot. There were no cares in the world. What happened to that little girl? The incredible truth is, she's still here.
Some of my friends constantly address my innocence. I get it, guys, I'm naive. I still blow bubbles in my chocolate milk, and play outside in the rain. What's wrong with that? I think, Nothing. I have 4 months to live it up. I have four months to run through the sprinklers, and ride in the shopping cart at Walmart. I have four months before the world tells me I have to have it all together. I have four months. Why not be free?
Freedom. It's the one thing every adolescent teenager wants. They tell their parents that all they want is to get their licence, move out of the house, buy their own car, live their own life, get married, have kids... grow up. Sorry to burst all the bubbles of those ready-to-be-free teenagers out there, but the time to be free is now.
As an official "child" I know the pressures of just being a kid. It's hard to live up to our parents expectations, do well in school, get all those fancy scholarships, and make the world believe that you are who you say you are. It's hard, and honestly, a lot of us kids are broken, battered, and bruised. But that shouldn't keep us from living our lives to the absolute fullest, having fun while we can, and living out our calling as young people. We are to set an example of playful, joyful, innocence.
Jesus told the adults to become more child-like, to be innocent, pure, trusting, full of joy and excitement, to be passionate, and to just be who we are, to just be who He made us to be. We're all just kids. I have four months until I'm expected to have it all together. But isn't having it all together overrated anyhow? To all those adults out there: stop worrying, stressing, trying to paint a pretty picture, because the truth is, everyone just wants to see the real you. Guaranteed, the real, honest, out-of-the-box you is probably a lot more fun, and a lot more attractive than the put together person we all seem to create for ourselves. Get out of the box. Be free. Be a kid.

Life on this side of a Calling

My life here in the States is a constant combination of mixed emotions. Waiting patiently; Bursting with excitement. Struggling with contentment; Perfectly happy and joyful. Praying for time to fly by; Cherishing every moment. Keeping busy; Staying calm. Crying out of fear; Crying out of excitement. Pushing people away; Pulling everyone closer. Learning; Teaching. Hurting; Rejoicing. The last few months have been crazy emotional. Most of the time I have it all together, but sometimes I break down for no apparent reason.

The other day I found myself doubled over in my closet crying over a pair of shorts. Shorts. No big deal, right? That’s what I thought until I was hanging them up at the back of my closet as I realized I wont be needing them any more. In Guatemala, women don’t wear shorts, and I wont be coming back to the States during the summers. Thus, my need for shorts as winter has approached is basically gone. The tears came.

You’re probably thinking something along the lines of “really, Andrea? They’re just shorts. Why does it matter?” But the thing is, with shorts, and all clothing really, is that I’ve become a little more than attached. I bought my shorts thinking, “these basically define my style, which basically defines me.” I live for the summers of short and Chaco wearing attire. It’s who I am, but then again, I’m also a missionary. I’m called to Guatemala, and shorts don’t matter. Living life within my calling will be a lot better than wearing my shorts. The tears stopped.

This, sadly, has been a regular thing for the past few months for myself, friends, and family alike, especially my mom. My mom and I will be sitting on the couch joking about the hideous clothes some celebrity is wearing or some stupid commercial, and all of a sudden I look over and she’s bawling, which automatically makes me tear up. We then start laughing because we are both crying. It’s comical actually. Sometimes I feel as if my life would make a very entertaining sitcom.

It’s these things, the little bits of my life that I take for granted that I am going to miss most of all as I travel away from home. I have been blessed with so much. My family and I have grown so much closer in the last year than ever. Maybe it’s just a coming of age thing, but for the first time I appreciate my family not just because of what they do for me, but because of who they are. My relationship with my brothers has grown dramatically over the past year, so much that I consider Garrett one of my best friends. He knows my life in a way nobody else ever could, and yet he loves me all the more for it. It’s beautiful, really. God knew what He was doing when he put me in the family he did. Thinking about leaving them is more than difficult, and I don’t think anyone other than a fellow missionary can understand what it’s like to give up everything I’ve ever known, yet the peace of the Lord is present, constantly. I am scared of the unknown life that is ahead of me, yet ready to take the dive.

In the meantime, I am doing my best to capture every little moment in anticipation for my journey to Guatemala. My heart is bursting with joy just thinking about it. I’ve been waiting a long time for this. I want it more than anything else. Yet I have a few more months to prepare, and soak up all the love I can get. I’m sure I’ll be crying about this in a few minutes, but as for now, I’m super pumped, and extremely excited to see what God has in store for me in both the preparation and the journey.